The Tumor

Yesterday's CT scan showed that the tumor is continuing to grow, but since the Chemo has shrunk some of the lymph nodes, my Oncologist and I decided to continue treatment for the present time. In the near future, we may change treatment plans, but my options are few.

I have been reading through the Old Testament for my daily devotions, and this week I came to Job. Here was a God-fearing, righteous, and fairly well-off man who lost everything except his wife. So just when he needs a word of encouragement in the worst way, she says, "Curse God and die." His reply really spoke to my heart: "Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" WOW! Seems like we're always asking for and thanking God for the "good stuff." Yet, we are not immune from trouble!

Remember the hymn, "Have Thine Own Way, Lord?" In one of the verses it says, "Thou art the Potter, I am the clay." What right does the clay have to dictate to the Potter how it is to be made and what it is to experience? God has promised a new, flawless and glorified body to those who are followers of Christ. Sounds good to me! Until then, one day at a time in fellowship with Him.

Thanks for praying. From a human perspective, I may not be healed. But Mary and I are in good spirits and seem to have continuing opportunities to encourage some of those who work at the cancer center on a weekly basis.

Are we there yet?

I've been visiting the cancer center in Tucson for over 4 years and doing it weekly for the past 6 months. It is just over 100 miles and about a 2-hour drive from our home in Mesa, AZ. Seems like I'm slipping into that, "Are we there yet?" mode. Why does something that was once fun and adventuresome become boring?

Having grown up in the Washington, D.C. area, I was used to GREEN trees, grass, shrubs, and vines. When I moved west the wide open spaces of the BROWN desert were new, exciting, and beautiful in its own way, but repetition and time can lead to boredom. This can happen with going to work or school every day. How about staying home and caring for the kids and cleaning house? Even the weekly date with my spouse can get old after awhile. Why does this happen?

Maybe I'm looking for happiness for me! Think of some of the ways to find happiness, but they don't last. It is only temporary. My marriage to Mary was the happiest day of my life up to that time and then the thrill of this new relationship slowly started to wear off. We weren't ready to call it quits, but something was slipping away like a candle burning out. I needed something fulfilling that wouldn't end!

Then I read in John where Jesus came to give me an abundant life! What's that? Could it mean a life with purpose, meaning, direction, joy, peace, and everything else? I decided to accept His gift by faith and see it there really was something more than a temporal happiness. I found that lasting joy is found in Jesus Christ, the solid rock, the eternal God.

"Are we there yet?" still slips into my thoughts as we travel to Tucson, but by God's grace, I am able to focus more on all that I have and am in Christ.

Your continued prayers are always welcome. Thanks for your concern.

The cure

What is the cure for cancer? It depends on the type cancer. Chemo cures many kinds, and in the last couple of months several new drugs have come out for treating metastatic melanoma. But these new drugs only "maintain" or slow the growth of the tumor. They do NOT shrink or remove it. Presently there is NO cure for the cancer that I have, so extending a fair quality of life is the aim of the treatment. This is not what one would call encouraging news unless there really is a better place beyond this life!

Jesus told us that he was going to prepare a better place for those who are his followers. What a great promise! So why should I continue chemo treatments if I'm only delaying my time to see my Savior face to face? Good question, and my answer is that God has not finished with me yet here on earth! Just last weekend we met a young couple who are our new neighbors. How will God use us in their lives? I don't know, but we'll be ready and available.

I trust that you're looking for opportunities to be a blessing to others too. There are so many hurting people all around us.

Mary and I continue to be encouraged by your prayers. Thanks so much.

Nurse Ann

Nurse Ann became a nurse after a long time in the hospital as a little girl. Her arm went through the wringer of an old washing machine, and when it arrived at her shoulder it continued to turn and peel the skin and muscle away. This was a bad event in her life, but God used it for good! Today she is healed and helping folks like me receive their chemo infusion.

I'd say that cancer is a bad event in my life. Can God use it for good? Normally I am an active person, but the fatigue from the chemo has changed that. So God tells me to stop and wait on Him. In the first chapter of Revelation it says that one can be blessed by hearing and reading the Bible. Wow! I can do that, and it is working. Every day I read a portion of God's Word and He shows me a promise or something else that is comforting or encouraging.

Don't know if you're experiencing any "bad events" today, but God can use it for good.

Thanks again to each of you for your prayers and concern. We can sense God's power in our lives because you prayed.

Options!

Have you had the bill collector call on an overdue bill and you're short of cash? You may have asked, "What are my options?" Yesterday I presented a similar question to my oncologist concerning the 5 inch melanoma tumor in my back which is wrapped around my aorta and ureter.

Our discussion concluded that the tumor is too big for radiation and even if we did go that route, more damage could possibly be done to the surrounding organs and tissue. How about radioactive implants? I asked. Pretty much the same answer as before. Since the melanoma has metastasized, removing it from one area is not the cure.

Therefore the clinical trial chemo that I'm on is the only hope for killing the cancer cells. So I press on and am thankful that in spite of the side affects, that I'm basically doing well.

Writing this reminds me of all the options that I have when I get up in the morning. Number one is mentally deciding whether I'm going to have a good day or a bad day. Since I'm a follower of Jesus Christ, I normally decide on the good day. If not, wouldn't I be saying to God that, "You can't handle what I'm going through today?" My God is bigger than that and I trust that your God is too!

Thanks to each of you for notes, emails, cards, prayers, and to Bob and Anne for the uplifting CD.

Flawless

What would it be like to have a flawless body? Until my latest bout with cancer, I thought that my body was almost flawless. Well, maybe I was a little overweight! The eyes were failing, but I fixed that by wearing bifocals. My sore back only acted up when I twisted the wrong way or lifted something that was too heavy.

This last week was a real reminder that I'm still living in the realm of the flawed. After having the stent between my kidney and bladder replaced, I was completely wiped out and useless for the rest of the day. Even though this is my week off of chemo (I have it 3 Thursdays out of 4), I still needed the blood test which revealed that my white cell count (immune system) was very low. Boy am I flawed!

While going through the Old Testament for my daily time with God, I read 2 Samuel 22:31, "...the words of the LORD are flawless." This was worth pondering. Everything on the earth is flawed in some way. It's either dying or deteriorating, but here is an exception~~God's Word! So with limited time to spend here on earth, what will I do with my time? Spend it with flawed, temporal things or with something that is eternal? Flawless? God's Word?

Interesting that this topic would come up when so many are wondering what will happen tomorrow. Some are saying that the rapture will take place and others that the end of the world will come. I don't know about you, but as for Mary and me, we have placed our faith and hope is Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. Bring it on. We're ready!

Finger Nails

If you've ever had a really bad itch, you know why God gave us fingernails! Several weeks ago my fingernails started looking and feeling like I'd hit them with a hammer. They continue to function as scratchers, but not as before due to their being sensitive. This is a result of the chemo and it is now spreading to my toenails. Since I don't scratch with my toenails, that isn't a problem, but the sensitivity slightly affects my walking. Before this chemo started in January, I didn't have an excuse for forgetting things or tiring out while Mary pushed ahead as we walked around the lake or Walmart. Now I can blame all of my shortcomings on the chemo!

Why do I need a reason for not being perfect? Why do I have to blame someone or something? Isn't human nature interesting? How grateful I am for the promises in God's Word~they assure me that I don't have to be perfect for God accepts me just as I am. One day Jesus will return to take ALL of His own home or someday He'll call ME home. Then I'll be free of pain, and this aging body will be with Him forever! With no more itching, I won't even need these fingernails anymore!

Don't forget to thank God everyday for the little things~like your fingernails. I regularly thank God for you and your prayers for Mary and me as we continue this journey.